When we consider biblical references of characters who were unaligned spiritually in their relationships, we are given enough evidence to steer away from relationships with partners who do not share the same spiritual/biblical foundation or values that govern our own lives.
In the scripture, 2 Corinthians 6:14, God in His infinite wisdom clearly warns us of joining ourselves with unbelievers – “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (NIV).
God gives us this command for our own protection, happiness and growth. God knows that our relations affect our spiritual life and our relationship with Him. God also knows that when we are committed to someone who isn’t on the same spiritual level as we are, we will eventually be drawn further away from Him, we will disobey His commands and compromise our values at the cost of our salvation.
Apart from the examples in history that tell of the rotten fruits that are borne from spiritually unequal unions, the story of Samson and Delilah is the most popular unequally yoked relationship discussed. The relationship Samson had with Delilah cost Samson everything. Set apart from birth after his consecration to deliver the Israelites from the Philistines, his relationship with the Dangerous D thwarted his God given purpose, cost him his dignity, eye sight and ultimately his life.
Will our relationship with someone who possesses no love for the true God, our God, cost us our life, dignity and distract us from our God given purpose? Is it worth it?
There are many believers who continue to date the unbeliever because they believe that the individual will change. No doubt the Spirit of God can change the heart of an individual because it is that powerful but should we continue in a relationship that leaves us spiritually hungry, dissatisfied and stunted? No. We can minister to that individual, pray for the individual because we care for them but we must steer away from committing our precious hearts to such individuals who have little regard for the God we serve. And in all our ministering and praying, let us remember that only God can change the heart of any individual.
And Ill just interject here that someone can call themselves a follower of Christ but deny the power of Christ in their very lives. There are many in the church who are not spiritually minded and who profess their faith but do not live their faith or in faith. Not everyone who walks in the same Christian circles as you do has a heart that is entirely for Christ – Judas walked with Christ for years and still was not a true follower. Spiritually unequally yoked relationships exist in Christian communities and the church as well! Be vigilant.
How long will we make the excuses, “our love is more powerful that our spiritual incompatibility” …. “he is a great guy, a good guy but he just isn’t that spiritual or into God” …. “he goes to church but I do not see Christ in his life” …. “I can change him/her” …How long will we compromise and comfort ourselves with the excuses that cause us to disobey Christ’s command? How long?
I encourage you to ensure that your relationships:
1) Lead your attention to God – many partners bask in relationships where all the affection and attention is given to them. Is your partner leading your attention and affections to him or herself or are they leading your affections and attentions to Christ where it truly belongs? When we love Christ more than anything, we reflect a love that is unconditional in our human relationship. The spiritually mature partner knows that a deeper relationship with Christ translates into a deeper relationship with each other.
2) Give God glory through spiritual practices that come from the heart – initiate spiritual practices in the relationship to make Christ the foundation of the relationship – does your partner initiate prayer, bible study, devotions, witnessing? Are spiritual practices only left for one day in the week? Be creative in how your grow spiritually together.
3) Improve your walk with God and improve areas of struggle in your life – our relationships should impact every area of our lives for the better, it should not only draw us closer to Christ but we should see the manifestation of having the Spirit of God in our relationships in the different aspects of our own lives. Are you growing as a person because of your association with this persons?
If you are in a relationship where your relationship is not giving God glory, drawing you closer to Christ through service or spiritual habits, strengthening your spiritual life or making your life more wholesome, then maybe it is time to have a simple conversation with your partner about the spiritual incompatibility. Maybe it is time to speak with God and listen to what He has to say about the relationship and do what He says.
Whatever the Lord instructs you to do about moving forward with your life and the relationship, do it.
Spiritual compatibility is a priority for the Christian because the main purpose of the relationship is to make you holy and draw you closer to Christ as a Christian and as a couple. Don’t compromise your spirituality.
We must not compromise because God will provide the right individual who will lead us higher toward Him, drive us to live out our life’s purpose and contribute to the overall spiritual wellbeing of our lives.
God values relationships, especially for us who are dating and He is more than able to assist us in making wise choices in the process of finding our future spouse. Trust Him.
(c) 2013, Dentrecia Blanchette